I'm sure everyone knows about the "top 5" list. Of course I'm referring to that top 5 list of people -celebrities, musicians, individuals of the famous nature - that a person is allowed to sleep with, guilt free, if ever their happens to be a chance encounter of the two. Often I refer back to this list in conversations with my husband. This is to ensure that If said individuals did happen to end up in my tiny town and if I was invited to a Romantic night of yachting and champagne (just because they are famous doesn't mean they shouldn't woo me) my husband understands I am free of all judgement.
However he has begun voicing a complaint. It seems that though his list only contains two individuals, mine is reaching much higher then 5. For this reason I have devised the following solution. I plan to spend tonight drinking martinis (or whatever you might call vodka and crystal lite) and discussing my options with fellow Friends. Tomorrow my final 5 draft picks will be posted for all the world wide web to see. This will hopefully clear up any confusion.
Friday, January 27, 2012
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Move and the Gummy Gets it!
Let it not be said my husband has no sense of humor!
After my adorable crazy students left for the day today I decided to indulge in a quick hit of Facebook....I mean take a quick peek at Facebook. This is what I was met with....
This was posted by my husband on a friends page with the following message
The comments and suggestions that followed this post were just as deliciously fun. They ranged from escorting the 5 lbs of sugar to the shooting range, to mailing her tiny little gummy paw in an envelope. My personal favorite was the suggestion to drown the bear in rum. A little water boarding sounds like a wonderful idea! If the bear must die, let it be for the happiness of all those around it.
Fear not good readers. The bears owner quickly replied that she would be making the trip to regain custody of the tasty treat this afternoon. My poor husband is still upset that he was denied his time line of the bears demise.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Moscato
Had I known book clubs were so racy I would have joined one years ago!
The most of our night was a mixture of highly intelligent debate and the following...
Me: "I just had moscato and crystal lite.....how do you spell moscato"
Whit: Here (quickly throwing a bottle into my hands for reference) we have 9 bottles!
Ok, perhaps highly intelligent is a bit of an exaggeration. But at least we all unanimously decided that our wonderfully selected book was actually quite terrible.....no, painful to read.
One month until the next amazing night of literature and thought provoking discussion.
The most of our night was a mixture of highly intelligent debate and the following...
Me: "I just had moscato and crystal lite.....how do you spell moscato"
Whit: Here (quickly throwing a bottle into my hands for reference) we have 9 bottles!
Ok, perhaps highly intelligent is a bit of an exaggeration. But at least we all unanimously decided that our wonderfully selected book was actually quite terrible.....no, painful to read.
One month until the next amazing night of literature and thought provoking discussion.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Framing Steve Nicks
The older I get, the more I wonder EXACTLY when will I become my mother. My mother is a wonderful and unique person. She is a blast of energy crammed into a 4'9 package and she is possibly one of the only people I know, besides myself, whose thoughts connect in her head like shes playing a permanent game of connect the dots.
More importantly, if I become my mother....how will my husband ever understand me? It has taken me 26 years to master the art of decoding.
The most recent example of my mothers scattered conversations would be with in the past few days. Mom called asking would I handle something for her. This was the only reason for a call that would end up being a 10 minute eye opening story on our family's sanity. For my fathers birthday he had requested that his beloved 1970's Stevie Nicks poster be framed to decorate the walls of his man room. My mother will proudly tell you that this same poster hung over my parents bed in the younger, free spirited years of their marriage. After searching for days my mother not only found the poster, Stevie still displayed in all her white teddy wearing glory, but she also stumbled across her collection of black light reflected posters. To find out my mother had black light posters is no surprise, to learn that she STILL has them makes me want to watch a few hours of "Hoarders" in case I should be watching for signs.
Anyways, my mother spent the next few minutes reliving her childhood and wondering why my Grandma even allowed her to hang her "lets get high" endorsing posters. This tumbled into her admission that my grandmother once grew marijuana for my uncle. It seems my precious and naive grandmother found a tiny potted plant dying in my uncles window. Being the kind heart that she is, she nursed it back to health with water and fertilizer. My parents were the first to notice the 2 foot green shrub proudly displayed in my uncles bedroom window for all the neighborhood to see. When asked about it my grandmother was so proud to show off how she had brought it back to life, still not knowing what it was. Mom quickly told her what it was and (Please note, at this point in the story my mom is laughing hysterically over what she thought was a great idea) had my grandfather take it out back and burn it. Not dig a hole and bury it, or throw it away, nope....go burn it. I blame my mom for some of my grandfathers oddity's now.
Now this was only a third of the conversation. Somehow my grandfathers quirky new nature transitioned to the fact he was in the woods hunting with my father and quickly jumped to the next point on her agenda which was to tell me how there had been someone knocking on her door that ran off the night before. Her exact story....
mom: Someone knocked 3 times and then ran!
me: So it's odd that they ran off?
mom: Well yea! I heard the door while I was on the walker and I jumped off to put pants on.....
me: Wait, what?
mom: I jumped off to put pants on and when I finally got to the door they were gone.
me: Wait...did you say you were on the walker with no pants?
mom: (confused) Yes. so?
me: Why were you not wearing pants?
mom: I had been wearing overalls and I got hot, so I took em off.
me: So you were walking, on the walker, naked
mom: No! I was on the walker in my underwear watching t.v. The lights were off anyways. But I gotta go now, loooooove you!
If this is whats going on inside the house, it's no wonder they ran off.
More importantly, if I become my mother....how will my husband ever understand me? It has taken me 26 years to master the art of decoding.
The most recent example of my mothers scattered conversations would be with in the past few days. Mom called asking would I handle something for her. This was the only reason for a call that would end up being a 10 minute eye opening story on our family's sanity. For my fathers birthday he had requested that his beloved 1970's Stevie Nicks poster be framed to decorate the walls of his man room. My mother will proudly tell you that this same poster hung over my parents bed in the younger, free spirited years of their marriage. After searching for days my mother not only found the poster, Stevie still displayed in all her white teddy wearing glory, but she also stumbled across her collection of black light reflected posters. To find out my mother had black light posters is no surprise, to learn that she STILL has them makes me want to watch a few hours of "Hoarders" in case I should be watching for signs.
Anyways, my mother spent the next few minutes reliving her childhood and wondering why my Grandma even allowed her to hang her "lets get high" endorsing posters. This tumbled into her admission that my grandmother once grew marijuana for my uncle. It seems my precious and naive grandmother found a tiny potted plant dying in my uncles window. Being the kind heart that she is, she nursed it back to health with water and fertilizer. My parents were the first to notice the 2 foot green shrub proudly displayed in my uncles bedroom window for all the neighborhood to see. When asked about it my grandmother was so proud to show off how she had brought it back to life, still not knowing what it was. Mom quickly told her what it was and (Please note, at this point in the story my mom is laughing hysterically over what she thought was a great idea) had my grandfather take it out back and burn it. Not dig a hole and bury it, or throw it away, nope....go burn it. I blame my mom for some of my grandfathers oddity's now.
Now this was only a third of the conversation. Somehow my grandfathers quirky new nature transitioned to the fact he was in the woods hunting with my father and quickly jumped to the next point on her agenda which was to tell me how there had been someone knocking on her door that ran off the night before. Her exact story....
mom: Someone knocked 3 times and then ran!
me: So it's odd that they ran off?
mom: Well yea! I heard the door while I was on the walker and I jumped off to put pants on.....
me: Wait, what?
mom: I jumped off to put pants on and when I finally got to the door they were gone.
me: Wait...did you say you were on the walker with no pants?
mom: (confused) Yes. so?
me: Why were you not wearing pants?
mom: I had been wearing overalls and I got hot, so I took em off.
me: So you were walking, on the walker, naked
mom: No! I was on the walker in my underwear watching t.v. The lights were off anyways. But I gotta go now, loooooove you!
If this is whats going on inside the house, it's no wonder they ran off.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
In the beginning...
On a place with so many blogs, videos, posts, and phenomenons out there; why even add my two cents? A simple declaration of why i'm hitching on the blogging wagon seems to be much easier then ranting over my secret (very guilty) wish that all the festively plump ladies deciding to begin a new years weight lose program will all fail miserably and end up back on their couches so that I may have my spot on the local gyms eliptical back.
Here is my reasoning.
I want to and can.
If you find it funny or at least entertaining for a moment in time, then that puts a smile on my face and enjoy.
If you find it annoying....when then just don't read it.
I wish I could say my life was filled with celebrity gossip, life changing happenings, and the secret to success, but I can't.
But there sure as hell are some good times to share.
Here is my reasoning.
I want to and can.
If you find it funny or at least entertaining for a moment in time, then that puts a smile on my face and enjoy.
If you find it annoying....when then just don't read it.
I wish I could say my life was filled with celebrity gossip, life changing happenings, and the secret to success, but I can't.
But there sure as hell are some good times to share.
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